On an unseasonably warm day in late October the men of Novos gathered to take on this weeks foe, the finest specimens of manhood to be found in North Shields, oh and ex Novo Will Evans. Injuries & unavailability forced the selectors hands we are told, with a team sheet forcing one front row (this author) to go full prima donna to Team Manager & slicked-back silver-haired lothario Andrew Croft refusing point blank to play tight head prop. My reward was to be solemnly promised a comfortable spot on the bench for the first half, which in my opinion was still 20 minutes too much gametime for a 40 year old who hasn't played in a year, but events on a 3rd team match day have a way of giving people their just rewards...

The changing room banter was solid, both myself and 2nd row heavy (literally) Neil Spence firstly blaming Alfie Bowman, today playing 10, for catching us drunk and unaware at a certain Novos book launch the previous Saturday and tricking us into agreeing to play. Others I feel were also about to join this tortious claim for unfair rugby entrapment but then the changing room stilled as titanically thewed captain Ian Wood entered bearing the holy grail, a bucket of fine beers & ales & even ice to keep them cool. It's no wonder North Shields think we're posh!
Normal service was then resumed when 3rd team and Centurians Tour Hero Arthur Wallis entered to rapturous applause and choruses of a certain song. If you know, you know. #whatgoesontourhasnotstayedontour

Out onto the field and warm ups began under the watchful eyes of club stalwarts Stevie Gittins and still the fittest man at the club Tommy Wilson Sr. A typically high energy session of touch left at least 3 rugby pensioners requiring additional stretches and new lungs but betrayed a side perhaps lighter than the average, to put it politely, so our hopes rested on a running game from 18 year old debutant Sonny at 9 and Alfie at 10 as we prepared for kick-off.

Club utility player PC Bass, today playing at 12, & the biggest man from West Belfast Sean Hamill thankfully graced us with their presence just before kick-off. Sean reducing the average age of the pack by at least a decade, and increasing the weight available to the coaching staff by several stone too. Sean's reward for his late arrival was to take this rugby pensioners place on the bench...consigning me to a fate worse than death, being next to a sweaty Neil Spence in the 2nd row!

Our opposition were marshaled by former Novos stalwart man mountain Kevin Westgarth as DoR and on a weekend when their first team did not have a game, eyebrows climbed to thinning or silvering hairlines across the Novos pack & backline as a sizeable opposition side thundered out. Will Evans as VC was on their bench, and a few other ex Novos players resplendent in new kit, though one wearing the kit of two different rival clubs somewhat confusingly, prowled the touchline, so the catcalls flew thick and fast as the two sides kicked off.

Initially Novos battled well with some back-and-forth play in midfield, good carries by Adam Longstaff and young winger Harry, but perhaps betraying a certain youthful naivete when it came to ball security & direct running lines. The scrums were a highlight, with Ian Wood's solidity, Iain Kane's Glaswegian hungover fortitude (more on that later) and the baby-faced baker/assassin (another Centurians tour reference dear reader) Jack Bolam more than holding their own in the front row against sizeable opposition.

Sadly though once pinned in our 22 repeated carries from their big tight head (right over the top of one Iain Kane at one point much to everyone's amusement) and the unusually named Jethro at 2nd row as well as a hard-carrying 12 brought them gain-line success, much of it way too easy & our line was breached for the first of a couple of soft tries in the first half.

Much endeavour then followed by a Novos side desperate to make inroads but perhaps lacking the calm heads to truly move the ball away from North Shields and tire them out, then keep hold of possession through multiple phases.

Our cause was not helped by an unfortunate leg injury to a youthful and energetic Novos No8, which helped Sean Hamill enter the fray with a point to prove, but also selfishly, denied this author any chance of a rest!

A period of good possession followed after this author served as a speedbump for a marauding Shields prop and dislodged the ball somehow with my face, and some judicious kicks to the corner by Alfie led to our first real period of sustained pressure in the opposition 22. A strong carry from me (I'm writing this report, so yes I'm going to come out of it well dear reader), now somehow playing No 8 for the first time in my senior career, opened up space for James Bass to take the ball at pace & dart over just left of the posts, converted well by Alfie Bowman.
We hoped this would be a ray of light but sadly lapses in concentration & tackling led to more tries for North Shields. The 2nd half brought no reprieve even with the addition of some substitutes meaning lilliputian scrummager Iain Kane at one point ended up at No 8, also for the first time in his senior career. Desperate times called for true rugby gladiators and so Tommy Wilson Sr, at 62, entered the fray, immediately showing us all up with solid tackling & covering every blade of grass.

Despite multiple line breaks from Bass, (one particular dummy on ex Novo Will Evans being described as 'beautiful' by Will's own team mates!) a lack of support runners and general fitness showed with Shields beginning to break from deep and go the distance, the floodgates opened, and only a very poor day from their kicker and an eagle-eyed referee spotting multiple forward passes from a Shields side attempting, if not champagne rugby, at least prosecco play, prevented a cricket score. Final score 68-7 to North Shields.

After the match all were smiles and hugs as both sides needed a good lie-down. Beers were cracked open and banter flowed upstairs. The only downer to an evening of unbridled merriment was Iain Kane deciding to go full Exorcist and bring up everything he's ever eaten on the side of the Coast Road shortly after setting off to return to Novos. One quick diversion to put him to bed later everyone arrived back at the club safe & sound and most importantly, thirsty. As ever with 3rd team rugby, rugby was the real winner that day.
Yours in rugby, Ollie Dearden